How Do We Downsize as Parents Move to Assisted Living?
Our marketing manager’s mother moved to assisted living recently. I wish he had picked my brain a bit more about this critical question: how do we downsize as our parents transition to a care facility? There’s a lot to consider – powerful emotions, memories, logistics and more.
Even at 75, the move was quite unexpected. She had moved in with him in a big, new house he bought for her to live her “Golden Years” in comfort. That arrangement was short-lived, halted by a fall that made home care impossible. (A call to remember unexpected emergencies can easily derail care plans.)
His mother had A LOT of worldly possessions. From what he shared, she was on the extreme end of clinging to cherished memories – and things she “might still need” that hadn’t seen the light of day in decades.
The transition was difficult. That his mother had worked in advanced care homes for most of her 50-year nursing career did little to help with downsizing for the move to assisted living. She was too busy helping others to prepare for when “the time would come” in her own life, he said.
With our marketing manager’s permission, I’m using this real-life example for a blog on the downsizing process as our loved ones move to care facilities.
Tips for Downsizing Belongings as Loved Ones Move to Assisted Living
Their experience isn’t unique. I’ve seen it more times than I can count in nearly 3 decades as a professional life-care planner and Board-certified Patient Advocate in Florida. Life’s journey challenges our resilience. One such transition that often proves to be emotionally charged is the move from a cherished family home to an assisted living facility. For many seniors, downsizing can be overwhelming – even paralyzing.
Here are some compassionate tips to help elders and their families navigate with grace and understanding.
Empathy is Key
We talk often about being a more compassionate care partner. But we’re all human, and we sometimes fail to achieve that standard. Before diving into the logistics of downsizing, we must acknowledge the emotional weight of this transition.
Show empathy toward your loved ones as they grapple with leaving behind a lifetime of memories. Imagine leaving your own home filled with memories – each corner, each piece of furniture, holding a special story. Even if your loved one embraces the move to assisted living as necessary, it’s tough letting go.
It’s more than letting go of belongings. It’s bidding farewell to a chapter – or many decades of chapters – in one’s life.
Validate this experience. Take the time to listen. Let them share their memories, their fears and hopes for the future. It’s natural … and therapeutic.
Emphasize the Positives
I know, we’ve all heard “think of the positive” when it’s the hardest thing to do. But we must try, even if it’s a struggle.
Amidst the challenges of downsizing, highlight the positive changes that await your elder loved one: less housework, new friendships, and exciting opportunities for hobbies and adventures. Focusing on growth, purpose and fulfillment can help with anxiety and uncertainty.
Look forward. Opportunities abound for enrichment and enjoyment – whether it’s joining a book club, playing games and sports, attending group outings, or rekindling artistic creativity.
Visual Reminders of the Chapter Ahead
Well before the moving process begins, display brochures and other promotional materials from the assisted living facility as visual cues for the new life that awaits. (Or search pictures, videos and testimonials on your smartphone.) Remind your elder loved one of the vibrant community and exciting possibilities that lie ahead.
Allow them to envision taking control of their future in assisted living, nurturing a sense of anticipation and excitement. Subtle, positive reminders allow us to approach downsizing with more enthusiasm.
Plan with Precision
Are you downsizing yet? I hope not, because you should first have a plan in place. Take the time to understand the layout of the new living space dimensions. Creating a scaled drawing can streamline the decision-making process regarding which furniture and belongings will fit comfortably.
You’ll likely need to do less with more and prioritize functionality. Sensible choices will keep certain elements and optimize the space to make assisted living feel more like home.
Protect Precious Memories
Safeguard sentimental items such as photo albums and special gifts. Designate a safe space for these treasures to ensure they are preserved during the move. Prioritize these items in preserving cherished memories and family history.
Encourage your loved one to take special care in packing and storing, ensuring items are kept secure and easily accessible. (You may uncover personal items that mean something special in your own life narrative!) Emphasizing that these precious memories will indeed be preserved eases the emotional impact of downsizing for a move to assisted living.
Remind your loved one that while downsizing WILL involve parting with some belongings, but by preserving these sentimental items, they’ll hold onto the memories that matter most.
Allow Room for Indecision
Decision-making takes time. Provide options for undecided items, allowing your loved one the space to process and reflect on their belongings. Remember the “yes, no, maybe” pile you use when clearing out your closet? Do that! An “undecided” category alleviates pressure and provides a sense of control.
By respecting their need for deliberation, they’ll feel a sense of agency and autonomy, empowering them to make decisions that feel right for them. Ultimately, the downsizing process is about more than just decluttering. It’s a journey of emotional discovery and transition.
Share the Gift of Giving
Appeal to your loved one’s altruism. Add a meaningful dimension to the downsizing process by donating items to local thrift stores or charities. By parting with belongings that they no longer need, they can know their possessions will benefit others in need.
Highlight the positive impact their donations can make in the community, whether it’s providing clothing for those experiencing hardship, furnishing homes for families in need, or supporting nonprofit causes they care about.
Consider Professional Support
If the downsizing process becomes overwhelming, consider enlisting the help of a professional organizer or senior move manager. Here at Caregiver Support and Resources, LLC, we often refer our life-care planning clients to KRB Move Management of Palm Harbor, FL.
Professional organizers and senior move managers are trained to navigate the complexities of downsizing with sensitivity and expertise. They can help by sorting belongings, packing and coordinating logistics. They may also offer emotional support in parting with possessions and transitioning to a new home.
Many such agencies can also tackle the entire moving process for you!
Moving to Assisted Living: Be Generous with Understanding in the Downsizing Process
Approach the downsizing journey with patience, compassion and generosity. Your parents or elder loved ones are going through a lot when moving to assisted living. Your understanding and thoughtfulness can make a profound difference in how they embrace this new chapter of life.
Strive to preserve your loved one’s dignity and autonomy throughout the downsizing process – and every other step in the life-care journey. If you need help, that’s what I’m here for.
