Navigating Dementia Truths: Why Persons Living with Dementia May Seem to Lie
A few years ago, I wrote a series of blogs here about common Alzheimer’s and dementia behaviors. It was well-received by our readership and We Are Dementia Strong podcast listeners. The behaviors and symptoms included things like:
I’m here today to help navigate what could be an uncomfortable topic: lying. In recent months, I’ve learned so much from observing others while visiting my life partner/care partner, Brian, in advanced nursing care. As you likely know, Brian lives with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. Many of his new acquaintances at the nursing home also live with some type of dementia.
They talk. I listen. How could I not? It’s been my life’s work as a Board-certified Patient Advocate to understand people and their needs. I encounter all manner of stories. Tall tales, you might call them. One day their story is this; another day their story is that. Some are talking just for the sake of talking. Others are confused or perhaps even scared.
Why do persons living with dementia seem to lie? Well, they’re not exactly lying. This blog breaks down the myriad reasons they might not be able to find the truth.
People Living With Dementia Aren’t Necessarily Lying
As I mentioned, one of our earlier blog topics on dementia-related symptoms and behaviors involved manipulation. Indeed, that’s a behavior in which lying comes to the forefront. Manipulation is often seen in mid-stages for our loved ones living with dementia who miss the freedom they once enjoyed. Some will say almost anything to get what they want.
The type of deception I’m describing is NOT THAT. The truth of the matter is, in most cases, it’s not about dishonesty. It’s about navigating their unique reality.
When caring for an individual living with dementia, the term “lying” can create a misleading narrative. It’s crucial to understand what may seem like lies are often the expressions of their own truth within the context of their cognitive world.
Shifting Realities: Living in Their Truth
Dementia creates a shifting landscape of memories, perceptions and emotions. What we perceive as falsehoods might be their earnest attempts to make sense of a world that feels increasingly unfamiliar. Let’s explore a few reasons why this happens:
1. Memory Gaps & Confusion
Imagine having pieces of your life puzzle missing. Making matters worse, the ones you do have are jumbled. Persons living with dementia often experience memory gaps and confusion, leading to the creation of narratives that fill those voids. Their stories are not intentional lies, but rather attempts to make sense of an internal reality.
2. Emotional Expression
Sometimes, what appears as a fabricated story is a way for individuals with dementia to express their emotions. It might be a response to frustration, fear or a need for connection. These expressions shouldn’t be dismissed as lies, but understood as a unique language for communicating feelings and emotional states.
3. Time Distortions
Persons with dementia may perceive time differently. What they recount as a recent event might be from years ago, or they may believe something is happening in the present when it occurred in the past. These time distortions contribute to the creation of narratives that align with their altered sense of time.
Strategies for Understanding & Responding to Persons Living With Dementia
Understanding that people living with dementia are sharing their truth should shape how we respond. They’re not intentionally trying to be dishonest, so here are some strategies to communicate meaningfully:
1. Validate Their Reality
Instead of correcting or challenging their version of events, validate their emotions and experiences. You can say, “I understand that it feels that way for you.”
2. Redirect Rather Than Contradict
If their narrative seems to be causing distress, gently redirect their attention to a different topic or engage them in an activity. This helps shift focus without causing frustration.
3. Be Present & Listen
When all else fails, just listen. Be supportive. Listening attentively nurtures a sense of connection. Allow your loved one to share their stories. Respond with empathy. It’s not about the accuracy of the details, but rather the emotional connection that matters.
Living With Dementia: Embracing Their Truths, Enhancing Their Lives
In the journey of dementia care, embracing the “truths” as shared by persons living with dementia becomes an essential part of providing compassionate support. It’s about meeting them where they are, in their reality, and ensuring their emotional well-being.
Remember, we’re not dealing with lies. We’re navigating a reality that’s unique to each individual living with dementia. Even when the communication with your loved one is difficult, there’s still a soul in there deserving of love and understanding. Every expression, even if it seems like a fib, is a part of their truth – whatever reality they may be trying to convey.
Wishing you grace and understanding on your caregiving journey. If you need help, I’m always here to chat.
